dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
