My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
