At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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