K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
