was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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