You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
