This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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