i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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