Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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