just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
