i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
