well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
