Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
