The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
