Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
