so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you had me at cake vodka
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
