I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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