i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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