Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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