But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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