his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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