fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
