is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
