Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize