the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize