Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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