You really coming over, don't trick.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
