i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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