my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
