you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
