So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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