dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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