He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
