member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize