maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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