You just made me feel so damn special
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
