i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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