Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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