Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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