The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
