She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
