i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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