can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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