I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
