I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize