His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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