If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
