return my video game
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
