i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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