Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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