omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
