"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize