wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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