I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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