Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize