Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
