just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
