I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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