i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
