Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
