Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
