New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
