I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
