Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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