you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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