Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
