I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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