he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
