I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
