just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
