"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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