R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
