I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
