I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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